NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize