we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
