So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize