it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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