Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
