We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
