turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
