hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
my poor anus
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
