I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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