The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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