I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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