there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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