you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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