Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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