if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
