somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
