So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
