he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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