I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
