I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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