I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
