Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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