i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
me + whiskey = a bad person
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
