Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize