I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
