Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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