I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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