i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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