Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
