I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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