; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I got her a Nickelback box set.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize