if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
