My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
