Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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