Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize