Michael Bay diarrhea
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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