Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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