Barsexuality is the new black.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
