a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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