apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
