Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
