I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
