hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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