Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
