so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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