he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
