I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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