you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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