dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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