did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Me too!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
