I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
