With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
