WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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