smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
