i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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