my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
