the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
