Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do you remember whose house we're in?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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