He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
