he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize