speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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