You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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