We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
