just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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