32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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