New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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