he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
