Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The air taste purple.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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