Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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