Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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