she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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