Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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