Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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