Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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