we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
