idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
