she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
