you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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