You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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