sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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