Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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