fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Couch. On fire.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize