So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
