In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
