Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
