Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
