check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize