Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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