i wish my penis had a tongue
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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