God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
