i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
