I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
