He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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