Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
